This is an old blog I posted on myspace...(lol, I know I know)
For some reason several people thought that it would be okay to give me all their reasons why they thought I shouldn't marry Michael. We were friends for about a year before we decided that we wanted to be together and I guess since everybody didn't know everything about him they thought I was wrong for marrying him. I had the support of my family and real friends and that's all that mattered.
This is what I wrote....
He didn't just ask me to be his wife. He asked me to love him with my whole heart and support him no matter what. He asked me to wait for him. He asked me to let him go because other people needed him too. He knew it would be hard, but he also knew I could do it. I said yes because I wanted to wait for him…not because anybody made me. I said yes because I would be proud to wait for him. I said yes because I would prefer to spend my time missing the one I truly love than being with someone here that I don't love.
Yes the days are long, and the nights even longer. Its lonely and sometimes its way beyond me. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed…I could just lay there until deployment is over. Some nights I lie in bed and cry because I don't know what else to do. I sleep with his shirt because it's all I have…because it smells like him…because when I close my eyes I remember him in that shirt and he is there with me. I wear his dog tags just to keep him near my heart. I know that I won't see him today…or tomorrow, or the next day. I know I won't see him this week or month…or year. But I know that one day I will, I will see him and all of this wont mean a thing.
I spend all of my time waiting…waiting for that next first kiss, the next first kiss that is going to make it all worth while. I'm waiting to be able to look into his eyes and know that I would do it all again. I'm waiting to feel his arms wrapped around me and feel the warmth and love that only he can give.
My whole heart is in Iraq, every part of me is with him…always. Some days it's so hard and it may appear to the world that I am going to break. Let me tell you that I am not. I am strong and our love is stronger than any deployment and it always will be.
I don't want to hear you say that you couldn't do it or that you don't understand why I do it. Don't worry about it. We are doing it so you don't have to and I wouldn't expect you to understand why I do it…unless you have truly loved a soldier you wouldn't. You don't know what its like to watch him walk away and be praying that it's not the last time. You don't know what its like to live with fear and worry and loneliness….everyday. I'm sure you don't want to…but you also don't know what it is like to see him again for the first time. You don't what its like to feel that sweet surrender…that release when you are back in his arms or to have that first kiss, again. You don't know what it's like to love a soldier and I can't tell you. I thank God everyday for my soldier and I wouldn't trade him for the world.
So please don't tell me that you don't get it. Please don't tell me that I don't have your blessing…I didn't ask you for it. All I ask from anyone is support and prayer. If you don't support me that's fine but please don't give me your opinions on the war or tell me how you feel about the President. To be honest, I really don't care. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion... {its called freedom of speech and incase you forgot it's because of the military that you have that right in the first place}…just because you have that right doesn't mean that you have to tell me how you feel.
I'm not saying this to be mean or to say that I am somehow better than anyone who has never loved a soldier because I'm not. That was not my intention at all. I'm just tired of people telling me that I don't have their blessing and that they don't understand it. So I wrote this to let the those people know that I am completely aware of what I am doing. I'm ready to be married to Michael Evans…he is my life, my love and my hero! I could never be any happier!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment